Republic of Ireland and Glasgow City striker Clare Shine spoke with him heavenly sports to discuss her struggle with alcoholism while continuing her recovery.
Shine, 27, published her autobiography, ‘Scoring Goals in the Dark’, earlier this month, in which she details her story of being a promising young footballer who turned to alcohol while battling problems. of mental health as a teenager. “Maybe, just maybe my story can help in some way,” she hopes.
His first international call came at the age of 13 for the U17 World Cup. This gave Shine aspirations to become a good footballer. At the age of 20, she won her first senior game against the Republic of Ireland and scored a hat-trick in the Scottish Cup final against Hibernian to lead Glasgow City to their fourth consecutive hat-trick.
But her career had begun to deviate from its course in her late teens, when she was gripped by anxiety and panic attacks, how her drinking got out of control and cost her almost everything.
Shine attempted suicide in 2018 after spending an evening drinking alcohol and using drugs. It seemed like a turning point for her until she hit the coronavirus blockade, right after her last winner in the 2019 Scottish Cup final against the Hibs.
His return, after a year and a half of sobriety, caused feelings of shame and embarrassment. She felt her career was over.
But Shine has found his way back and is playing for Glasgow City again. She signed a one-year extension in late May. She is now focused on maintaining stability in her life as she prepares for next season, with the Champions League season set to begin in August.
How it all started
“I grew up in Douglas in Cork and grew up in such a sports community in Douglas full of football and Galician games. When I went to the European final at the age of 15 and to the World Cup, I think experience gave me that willpower to move forward and try to achieve.
“I think I started having panic attacks when I was 17 or 18 and it was something I did not know how to deal with. I knew nothing about mental health. I did not know how to cope with it, how to control it and somehow it overcame me. And it just started to become very visible to people, especially in the world of football. Appearing in games and training under the influence is simply unacceptable as a professional athlete. I think I was starting to get a bad rap. I did not take care of myself at all.
Realizing she had a problem
“I was in the team a few months ago [a game against the Netherlands, but lost my place]. I traveled for it because it was a big game, and I remember hiding the wine bottle in my bag, trying to take a few sips here and there. For me, to realize that I had to be in that land, not drinking a bottle of wine and looking at them, I think that’s when I realized I had a serious problem.
“I was a compulsive liar all this time, really. In October 2018 I attempted suicide in Cork City. I do not remember the exact time, but I was under the influence, I had drunk a lot of alcohol, I was also on drugs and I do not know what caused it. I had thought about it a few months ago.
“I woke up in the hospital the next morning, my best friend was in the hospital bed, and I was on the couch next to her and she was a nurse outside the door because I was under suicide surveillance. It struck me a little then: “What am I really doing with my life? How can I fix things? How can I change? “.»
Shame and embarrassment of returning
“At the end of the season with Glasgow in November 2019, I scored the winning goal in the 90th minute of the Scottish Cup final and then I had a very good pre-season and got back in the game. International team, I started first and then I go home and it’s isolation.
It’s like “What do I do now?”, I had no structure or routine. You’re alone, I think, and I did not know what to do, and then I took the drink, I was ashamed. I was ashamed. I had spent a year and a half recovering – to finish in a second was something I did not want to accept. »
Thinking her career was over
“I’ve been sober for almost two years now, and I can look back on my journey and think, wow, I’ve come out of two really dark places, and that’s something I should be proud of.
“Tomorrow [my relapse], I had never thought I would play football again. I said, “This is it, it’s done.” “I want to try to find happiness in life, I just have to take it slowly, to have a little stability in my life.”
“The last two years have been very tense, and so yes, I hope to have a good pre-season now that I’m back in July and enter the Champions League in August. ”
Clare Shine’s Scoring Goals in the Dark, starring Gareth Maher, will be released on June 6 by Pitch Publishing, for 19 19.99.
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